Tonight though, I finally felt a change that feels lasting. I can see the end of the school work which is an utter relief. Band is pretty much over (which while I absolutely love being in the AUMB, it sometimes is a battle realizing that impressing people and being liked in my band family is nowhere near as important as pleasing the Lord and bringing Him glory). I've got my priorities about dating straight again. I finally feel back to normal. Thank God. Literally. Praise Him.
Tonight I was able to full heartedly and unabashedly pray for my enemies and friends with a selfless heart for the first time in a while. I looked in the mirror and realized that traditional "beauty" has nothing on eyes that are glowing with a peace that comes from knowing the Lord and a face lit up with the Spirit.
I have in part my compassion international babies to thank for this. Last month, I realized how incredibly selfish I had become gradually over the semester. My prayers were all about me. My thoughts were consumed in self pity and envy and greed. I knew I had to fix SOMETHING. The Lord laid it on my heart to go on compassion international's website and pick 3 children to just PRAY for. It was such a burden off of my heart to just pour out myself for someone truly in need and take on THEIR problems instead of dwelling on my own trivial issues. Week after week my babies kept getting sponsored (praise God!) and I kept picking out new kids to pray for. While I couldn't support them financially, I could support them prayerfully. Tonight though, the most wonderful news came- my mom said we could pick two children to sponsor! I am so thrilled about this opportunity! I can't wait to correspond with the kids and see God work in their lives.
Anyways, I would just encourage anyone reading this who may be struggling with feeling self absorbed. Find someone else to pray for, whether it be someone who needs to know of God's grace, someone who is struggling with sin, someone who is in a rough spot in their life, or even a child across the world who needs just one soul thinking about and praying for them. Find someone else other than yourself to dwell on and watch Him work through you.
A verse from Bible study tonight really stuck with me:
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:12-13
Thanks for reading as always. :)
-Shelby :)
