Romance

Tonight I was sitting out on our back porch as dusk fell and rocking in one of our two rocking chairs, enjoying the sounds and smells and feel of summer. Dusk is my absolute favorite time of day... there's something so peaceful and quiet and final about it.
My mind started to wander and soon an ache hit my heart... the one I fight down so often... the want for earthly companionship. Looking over at the empty rocking chair to my side, it was so easy to imagine him there... whoever he may be. It's times like these when I feel cheated that I can't know my husband NOW and start sharing parts of my life with him NOW, if I'm meant to get married. Every time I feel so happy in a moment, I long for him to be there to share it with me.
And whenever I start longing for that, I feel guilty and angry at myself. Why am I not happy with the Lord's companionship? Is it not good enough? He's the LORD. He has given me a million times what any earthly man will... and my mind always says, "You need something tangible- a hand to hold, a face to gaze at..."
That's true... I do want that. But tonight as I looked around at all of the things I was enjoying before my mind started to wander- the slight balmy breeze, the faint sound of crickets, the dimming of the sky- I realized that those very things are what He uses to romance ME. The ultimate Bridegroom cherishes me and provides all of those things I long to share with a man... all along I could've been treasuring those moments with Him... thanking Him for His beautiful gifts.
You've opened my eyes Lord... no tenderness compares to Yours.
-Shelby :)

Desperately wanting a reality check

Lately I've been troubled... troubled by how I take everything I have for granted. By how easily it is to forget how much I have.
I'm so wasteful... I just ate a row of oreos and took off the tops of all of them and just threw them away. I pour out a bottle of water if it sits beside my bed for a couple of days. I stand in the hot shower for over 30 minutes every night.
And yet around the world, people are dying from starvation, unclean drinking water, living in filthy conditions, watching parents, siblings, children die.
Oh Lord, I want to be Your hands and feet to these people.
I want so bad to move to one of these third world countries. To remove myself from the cushy upper middle class America I've lived in my whole life. To not waste my days texting and checking social networking sites and throwing my life away to the internet. I want to make a difference.
I will one day. Hopefully. One day after I graduate.
But for now, I just feel stuck and guilty and helpless. Helpless to help those who need it.
How can I stay here knowing that thousands of people around the world have not even heard the word Jesus? It's so easy to get caught up in those immediately surrounding me who HAVE heard and chose to ignore.
I used to want to get married right out of college and live in suburbia forever. And there's NOTHING wrong with that... but something has been pressed on me... I've been called.
Most of these starving, sick, dying people have lost hope. I want to bring them not only the physical things they so desperately need, but also news of the Rock they can count on always.
Pray that I can be patient as I finish college. I know these years of education will prove important, and they're not a loss. It's hard, but through Him, all is possible. I reread Romans 8:28-39 and was knocked back into a place of amazement.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

More Than Conquerors

 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I am more than a conqueror. I am a child of God, fierce and fearless, ready to be used for His will.
-Shelby :)

To Whom It May Concern

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh
The way your kisses taste
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do, How I do
I've missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh I missed you
I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently.

-To Whom It May Concern by The Civil Wars