It's incredible how absolutely wonderful life begins to be when you start leaning on Him and pouring yourself out for Him.
This week I've made time all day to pray with all my heart and really delve into the Word... and I have felt as light as a feather because of it. Everything becomes so much easier when your focus turns to Him. On Monday, one of the Lakeviewers was talking about how when you put the Lord before your schoolwork, it might seem risky, but it'll end up with you being well taken care of- and it's TRUE. I did exactly that this week and not only was I happier, but my schoolwork ended up getting done too! And honestly, I felt like I worked harder and got better results on my assignments! Another guy quoted something he had read about putting the important before the urgent. Such a dire point. I constantly struggle with that- and I usually end up cutting out reading my Bible or spending time with God when it comes down to it. I really just need to cut back my facebook and twitter usage, and then I will have plenty of time for both school and time with the Lord!
On another point, tonight I met with two of my friends for a discipleship group- a new one and one old one who has been through a lot with me. We made dinner and then just talked about what was going on in our lives... about what we were struggling with, about what we found helped us through our tough situations. It was amazing. I've never had that kind of fellowship and ability to share and relate so greatly with anyone before! I just think back to a few months ago when I was so discouraged about not having anybody to talk to about what God was doing in my life and pray with and just grow with. And now I do. Not only do I have a new friend that I have a Christ based friendship with, but I now have a deeper level of appreciation and understanding for/from one of my oldest best friends. I just can't help but take a step back and admire how He is working in my life. It's stunning.
But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.- 1 John 1:7
(I just looked up a verse that went with this post and we're actually going through 1 John in our d group. I love how relevant everything is becoming. :) )
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Intrigued
So, the past few weeks/month, I have undertaken a study of sorts... a study of Christ-like manhood. A study of what God intended men to be like... and seriously, I've never been more intrigued. I've fallen in love, honestly... not with a particular man, but with the characteristics of a "warrior-poet", as Leslie Ludy calls them. From personal experience, it is SO easy to be discouraged in the current state of men when you're attending college. Most guys are using this new found freedom to party, drink, smoke, have sex with dozens of girls...whatever they want. Personally, that is NOT AT ALL the kind of guy I want to marry. Lately though, my eyes have been opened to see more and more warrior poets around me. It's truly an incredible sight.
Perhaps the biggest characteristic of a warrior-poet is as follows:
"The mark of a warrior-poet does not lie in his perfection, but in the direction of his life. Is he aiming for the world or aiming for Christ? Is he eagerly pursuing more of Christ or is he preoccupied with himself? If his life's direction is pointed toward 'less of me and more of Him,' then he has the warrior-poet blood within his veins, even if God has not yet rasped and refined all the rough edges of his masculinity. If he has made Christ the center of his existence, then Christ will be faithful to smooth away the wrinkles and refine him more and more into His divine likeness."-Leslie Ludy
Men were also created to be leaders. They are to initiate. They are to be the last word on important decisions in marriage. I personally LOVE that. I'm not a particularly brazen, pushy person (or I like to think that) and I love that my husband (if I am meant to be married), will one day be the LEADER of our family and household. Women were made to support them and take care. That's honestly one of the things I'm looking forward to most in marriage... supporting my husband and encouraging him to lead and be a warrior for Christ.
For some reason, I'm struggling to find the words to write about this topic- though it excites me greatly- and I keep deleting things and I'm sure what I've already written sounds like gibberish. So I guess I'll just leave off there for now, and if I can form flowing, coherent thoughts later, I will continue sharing about my study. :)
-Shelby :)
Perhaps the biggest characteristic of a warrior-poet is as follows:
"The mark of a warrior-poet does not lie in his perfection, but in the direction of his life. Is he aiming for the world or aiming for Christ? Is he eagerly pursuing more of Christ or is he preoccupied with himself? If his life's direction is pointed toward 'less of me and more of Him,' then he has the warrior-poet blood within his veins, even if God has not yet rasped and refined all the rough edges of his masculinity. If he has made Christ the center of his existence, then Christ will be faithful to smooth away the wrinkles and refine him more and more into His divine likeness."-Leslie Ludy
Men were also created to be leaders. They are to initiate. They are to be the last word on important decisions in marriage. I personally LOVE that. I'm not a particularly brazen, pushy person (or I like to think that) and I love that my husband (if I am meant to be married), will one day be the LEADER of our family and household. Women were made to support them and take care. That's honestly one of the things I'm looking forward to most in marriage... supporting my husband and encouraging him to lead and be a warrior for Christ.
For some reason, I'm struggling to find the words to write about this topic- though it excites me greatly- and I keep deleting things and I'm sure what I've already written sounds like gibberish. So I guess I'll just leave off there for now, and if I can form flowing, coherent thoughts later, I will continue sharing about my study. :)
-Shelby :)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Called
A strange thing has been taking place in my life... A radicalization. Christ is moving strongly and firmly through me... it's quite an unbelievable feeling.
Nothing feels the same anymore... literally nothing. The things that used to draw me to them don't anymore... It's like I can finally see clearly. I know many of my friends are having trouble understanding this... and I don't quite know how to explain it... To them, I've always been "guy obsessed, goofy, over-reactive Shelby". Now I'm changed.
As I've been pondering what to do with my life and where I feel God is leading me... I always keep coming back to mission work. I've felt called to mission work for almost a year now. I've never known why, or where, but I've felt drawn.
Here I need to add detail about a specific area of my life that I looked back on today and realized had changed... children.
I used to not like children that much... I never babysat, never had cousins or siblings that were a lot younger than me... never had to deal with small children, so I was uncomfortable. I always thought, "I know when I have my own kids I'll love them, but other people's kids... not so much."
Lately though, I haven't been able to keep my heart from melting when I see them. So much potential rides in each one of those little people... they're so innocent.
In Sacred Singleness, there is a testimony from a missionary named Karris who lives and works in an orphanage/school in Haiti. I went to the website listed danitaschildren.org and read some of the childrens' stories and the mission there and fell in love. I truly believe that I am called to minister and help children in situations like that.
He has called me RADICALLY. I honestly can't even imagine just marrying someone straight out of college and settling down in suburbia now... there are MILLIONS of people all around the world that haven't had the chance to hear His word... there are children that need to be rescued and cared for. How can I just ignore that?
I am willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him and this calling. Every comfort I've ever known... every person that I depend on.
It's been pressed upon my heart. I can't wait to see where He takes me. Please pray that He'll provide me with guidance as I venture further into this. :)
-Shelby :)
Nothing feels the same anymore... literally nothing. The things that used to draw me to them don't anymore... It's like I can finally see clearly. I know many of my friends are having trouble understanding this... and I don't quite know how to explain it... To them, I've always been "guy obsessed, goofy, over-reactive Shelby". Now I'm changed.
As I've been pondering what to do with my life and where I feel God is leading me... I always keep coming back to mission work. I've felt called to mission work for almost a year now. I've never known why, or where, but I've felt drawn.
Here I need to add detail about a specific area of my life that I looked back on today and realized had changed... children.
I used to not like children that much... I never babysat, never had cousins or siblings that were a lot younger than me... never had to deal with small children, so I was uncomfortable. I always thought, "I know when I have my own kids I'll love them, but other people's kids... not so much."
Lately though, I haven't been able to keep my heart from melting when I see them. So much potential rides in each one of those little people... they're so innocent.
In Sacred Singleness, there is a testimony from a missionary named Karris who lives and works in an orphanage/school in Haiti. I went to the website listed danitaschildren.org and read some of the childrens' stories and the mission there and fell in love. I truly believe that I am called to minister and help children in situations like that.
He has called me RADICALLY. I honestly can't even imagine just marrying someone straight out of college and settling down in suburbia now... there are MILLIONS of people all around the world that haven't had the chance to hear His word... there are children that need to be rescued and cared for. How can I just ignore that?
I am willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him and this calling. Every comfort I've ever known... every person that I depend on.
It's been pressed upon my heart. I can't wait to see where He takes me. Please pray that He'll provide me with guidance as I venture further into this. :)
-Shelby :)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Carrying the cross in our singleness
So, I've been reading this incredible book called Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy. It's pointed out so many wonderful things about this time of singleness I'm in, as well as provided much needed encouragement.
There are many Christian books out there that blow off the whole "Singleness is a gift" thing and tell young girls to help out their situation because God called us to be married.
First off, I can just see that leading to settling for a less than Christ-like prince. You're, say... 27, and this guy comes along and he's a "Christian" and he goes to church, so he must be husband material right? Sure, it's obvious he's not on fire for the Lord, but he's better than most men! You're 27, times running out!
I hope and pray I will never put myself in that situation. I've waited this long, and plan to wait as long as it takes for a one of a kind, loves the Lord with every ounce of his being (even more than me!), incredible man. Because I know if I wait for His time... it'll be worth it. I don't want to settle for a "little bit better than the average Joe moral wise" guy... I want a man who is going to encourage me in my walk with Christ... who will pray with me and do mission work with me and study the Word with me... (I know this is not what everyone wants who may read this... I'm not trying to place lesser value on what other people may seek- merely stating what I want to wait for :) )
Back to the people who say otherwise though... Leslie mentioned one author who wrote that she couldn't believe God wanted His children to embrace a gift that hurt so much, and that she realized she was being tricked into denying her very self (which was obviously the desire to be married).
Leslie quoted Matthew 16:24 for this, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."
And then she pointed our perhaps one of the truest, most beautiful things ever... I'll quote the passage:
"What if Jesus had simply listened to His 'heart' that night in the Garden of Gethsemane? What if He had taken that particular book's advice and yielded to what His emotions and human desires were telling Him? What if He had said, 'Surely God does not want me to embrace something that makes me so miserable? Surely I shouldn't see this as an opportunity from My Father! Death is a curse. It's shameful; it's painful. Why would I surrender to something that doesn't make Me feel happy?'"
HOW TRUE?
We are called to live our lives as Christ did... fearlessly and devotedly... 100%. He was willing to HANG ON THE CROSS because God told Him to.... He trusted that God would get Him through it... that it would be worth it! Why shouldn't us single people take that same attitude? Surely, being single is nowhere near as terrible as being crucified.
I just know that so many more people could be embracing this time in their lives! If I... the girl who used to desire NOTHING more than to be married with a family... who already has her dress and ring picked out... who cries when watching proposals and weddings just because the thought of having found that one person makes my heart explode... if I can be content in this time... anyone can.
He is all I need. He is more than enough. I can live now without any distractions... without having to worry about affecting another person with my decisions... I just need to focus on what He is doing in my life... it's absolutely liberating. :)
-Shelby :)
There are many Christian books out there that blow off the whole "Singleness is a gift" thing and tell young girls to help out their situation because God called us to be married.
First off, I can just see that leading to settling for a less than Christ-like prince. You're, say... 27, and this guy comes along and he's a "Christian" and he goes to church, so he must be husband material right? Sure, it's obvious he's not on fire for the Lord, but he's better than most men! You're 27, times running out!
I hope and pray I will never put myself in that situation. I've waited this long, and plan to wait as long as it takes for a one of a kind, loves the Lord with every ounce of his being (even more than me!), incredible man. Because I know if I wait for His time... it'll be worth it. I don't want to settle for a "little bit better than the average Joe moral wise" guy... I want a man who is going to encourage me in my walk with Christ... who will pray with me and do mission work with me and study the Word with me... (I know this is not what everyone wants who may read this... I'm not trying to place lesser value on what other people may seek- merely stating what I want to wait for :) )
Back to the people who say otherwise though... Leslie mentioned one author who wrote that she couldn't believe God wanted His children to embrace a gift that hurt so much, and that she realized she was being tricked into denying her very self (which was obviously the desire to be married).
Leslie quoted Matthew 16:24 for this, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."
And then she pointed our perhaps one of the truest, most beautiful things ever... I'll quote the passage:
"What if Jesus had simply listened to His 'heart' that night in the Garden of Gethsemane? What if He had taken that particular book's advice and yielded to what His emotions and human desires were telling Him? What if He had said, 'Surely God does not want me to embrace something that makes me so miserable? Surely I shouldn't see this as an opportunity from My Father! Death is a curse. It's shameful; it's painful. Why would I surrender to something that doesn't make Me feel happy?'"
HOW TRUE?
We are called to live our lives as Christ did... fearlessly and devotedly... 100%. He was willing to HANG ON THE CROSS because God told Him to.... He trusted that God would get Him through it... that it would be worth it! Why shouldn't us single people take that same attitude? Surely, being single is nowhere near as terrible as being crucified.
I just know that so many more people could be embracing this time in their lives! If I... the girl who used to desire NOTHING more than to be married with a family... who already has her dress and ring picked out... who cries when watching proposals and weddings just because the thought of having found that one person makes my heart explode... if I can be content in this time... anyone can.
He is all I need. He is more than enough. I can live now without any distractions... without having to worry about affecting another person with my decisions... I just need to focus on what He is doing in my life... it's absolutely liberating. :)
-Shelby :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
So, after my little emotional breakdown I just documented, I turned to the book with all answers... and of course found some.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
-1 Peter 5:6-11
How relevant and incredible are those words? Very.
-Shelby :)
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
-1 Peter 5:6-11
How relevant and incredible are those words? Very.
-Shelby :)
Tired and Tried.
Today started out great. All day long I was just basking in His love and just drinking it all in. And I was sharing my happiness on facebook.
Then the incident happened and honestly, I was just a mess of emotion, not sad, really... just moved. And I felt drawn to write a note on facebook that I had actually been planning on writing for a few days now (I was just waiting for V Day).
And then the worry started up again... like a choking hand, it took me over, seeped into every pore. I feel violated. I feel like everything I write here and on facebook and twitter is going to be made fun of and ridiculed. Even though I've tried to block those negative people, I feel like there's still an inside source feeding them information. It's absolutely sickening. I want to die... seriously, I just want to be with my God up in heaven and escape this fear. These people are ruining my life... if you're reading this and you're one of them, please just... stop. I've done nothing to you and all I'm doing now is sharing my love of my Lord.
In a way, I don't care that they're making fun of me... I mean, they're just poking fun at my faith.
My world has just gone from absolutely perfect to terrifying in a period of a week.
I just wish I could never see these people again... I want to go away to another college and just leave them. But I still feel like they'll be there ridiculing me.
I'm trying so hard to trust Him right now... I really am. I'm just so torn down. I have one of the most delicate hearts I've ever come across and it can't take this. I really just want to delete everyone on facebook except for those I know share my love of the Lord. Because I KNOW for a fact that they will not do something like this. But that's just me giving into Satan and his wishes. I know for a fact I have been called to share His word. Whether it's as a girls minister or a missionary, or whatever... and for now, as I'm in college, I have to stick to sharing it through the internet. It's just so hard.
Then the incident happened and honestly, I was just a mess of emotion, not sad, really... just moved. And I felt drawn to write a note on facebook that I had actually been planning on writing for a few days now (I was just waiting for V Day).
And then the worry started up again... like a choking hand, it took me over, seeped into every pore. I feel violated. I feel like everything I write here and on facebook and twitter is going to be made fun of and ridiculed. Even though I've tried to block those negative people, I feel like there's still an inside source feeding them information. It's absolutely sickening. I want to die... seriously, I just want to be with my God up in heaven and escape this fear. These people are ruining my life... if you're reading this and you're one of them, please just... stop. I've done nothing to you and all I'm doing now is sharing my love of my Lord.
In a way, I don't care that they're making fun of me... I mean, they're just poking fun at my faith.
My world has just gone from absolutely perfect to terrifying in a period of a week.
I just wish I could never see these people again... I want to go away to another college and just leave them. But I still feel like they'll be there ridiculing me.
I'm trying so hard to trust Him right now... I really am. I'm just so torn down. I have one of the most delicate hearts I've ever come across and it can't take this. I really just want to delete everyone on facebook except for those I know share my love of the Lord. Because I KNOW for a fact that they will not do something like this. But that's just me giving into Satan and his wishes. I know for a fact I have been called to share His word. Whether it's as a girls minister or a missionary, or whatever... and for now, as I'm in college, I have to stick to sharing it through the internet. It's just so hard.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Always blown away
God has provided SO much for me in His amazing way thus far in my life that I shouldn't be so surprised every time He does it again... but goodness... that incredible feeling that I get when I see He has given me exactly what I need or when He answers my prayers so beautifully... it's indescribable.
Yesterday was kind of rough for me... I was deeply discouraged by my current situation in church. I want SO badly to get involved more and meet more college kids walking with Christ, but the friends I go to church with don't seem to have the same passion for our church that I do (not saying that that's wrong... I understand that Lakeview is REALLY different from their home churches/not going to church at all). Anyways, yesterday I learned I would have literally no one to go to church with out of the 5 people that normally go with me. I was just really upset and down, but I knew I needed to go anyways. I went and this couple that are friends with one of my friends and that I'm acquainted with were there so I stuck with them. They were incredibly nice and Emily (the girl) invited me to start coming to girls bible study on Monday night. I've definitely been needing something like that and I feel like I can make even more friends there!
There was a second point that was REALLY wearing on me though... I've never really had a Christ centered friendship with any of my best friends... they're all Christians for sure, but we've never talked about our walk with Christ, prayed together, anything really... we just never even talk about what God is doing in our lives. I've been in an intense need for that kind of support and last night I just broke down and cried out to God to bring some people into my life that would encourage me with His word, pray with me, and lift me up in my journey with Him. Then at church of course, I talked to Emily and then tonight the craziest thing happened... one of the girls I went to high school with but was never really close friends with posted a status on facebook about loneliness that screamed exactly what my heart was feeling. So I messaged her and we started talking and we're actually struggling with a similar situation right now, though she has an earthly prince in her life- we're both working to put our heavenly Prince first and foremost in this pivotal time of our lives. We're hopefully going to meet for lunch sometime!
How incredible is that? It didn't even take a day for Him to provide me with what I needed, even if it wasn't in an expected place... He WANTS me to grow in Him... He wants me to flourish right now... it's such a great feeling!
I'm so excited about tomorrow. It's Valentine's Day, yes... and I will be spending it with the One who holds my heart tightly... :)
-Shelby :)
Yesterday was kind of rough for me... I was deeply discouraged by my current situation in church. I want SO badly to get involved more and meet more college kids walking with Christ, but the friends I go to church with don't seem to have the same passion for our church that I do (not saying that that's wrong... I understand that Lakeview is REALLY different from their home churches/not going to church at all). Anyways, yesterday I learned I would have literally no one to go to church with out of the 5 people that normally go with me. I was just really upset and down, but I knew I needed to go anyways. I went and this couple that are friends with one of my friends and that I'm acquainted with were there so I stuck with them. They were incredibly nice and Emily (the girl) invited me to start coming to girls bible study on Monday night. I've definitely been needing something like that and I feel like I can make even more friends there!
There was a second point that was REALLY wearing on me though... I've never really had a Christ centered friendship with any of my best friends... they're all Christians for sure, but we've never talked about our walk with Christ, prayed together, anything really... we just never even talk about what God is doing in our lives. I've been in an intense need for that kind of support and last night I just broke down and cried out to God to bring some people into my life that would encourage me with His word, pray with me, and lift me up in my journey with Him. Then at church of course, I talked to Emily and then tonight the craziest thing happened... one of the girls I went to high school with but was never really close friends with posted a status on facebook about loneliness that screamed exactly what my heart was feeling. So I messaged her and we started talking and we're actually struggling with a similar situation right now, though she has an earthly prince in her life- we're both working to put our heavenly Prince first and foremost in this pivotal time of our lives. We're hopefully going to meet for lunch sometime!
How incredible is that? It didn't even take a day for Him to provide me with what I needed, even if it wasn't in an expected place... He WANTS me to grow in Him... He wants me to flourish right now... it's such a great feeling!
I'm so excited about tomorrow. It's Valentine's Day, yes... and I will be spending it with the One who holds my heart tightly... :)
-Shelby :)
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