This weekend was the Lakeview College Girls Mission Weekend. About a hundred of us girls took vans down to South Alabama to spread the Gospel in various places. My team was assigned the town of Slocomb.
We were expecting 75-100 kids to come out. About 15 showed up. We were crushed to say the least, especially since we had spent hours planning on how we were going to split things up and which girls were going to do what and what to do with the different age groups.
The day started off with us working a free health clinic. Us girls ended up playing with the kids that were there and I ended up spending a lot of time with a little 4 year old named Kade.
He was precious. As he finished off his second cherry snow cone, the ring of red around his mouth stretched from his nose to his chin (but red was his favorite color though so it was okay, he reassured us). We asked him all about his favorite everything. When we asked about his favorite superhero, his response was, "God". My heart melted to say the least. He was just full of adorable little lines and tons of energy. His family had to leave for Disney World at 2 though so we said goodbye.
Kade showed me a lot about myself and about how God works. On the ride down, as we were planning on what to do with the kids, it became painfully obvious that I was the only one who had basically no experience in that area. I was terrified. And a bit angry since, like I said in an earlier post, I feel God has called me to work with children.
It was wearing hard on my mind and I just prayed and prayed the night before that God would give me the words to say and the things to do to connect with these kids and touch their lives. Kade proved to me that He will provide the things we ask of Him to use for His glory. As did this 2 year old hispanic girl who waddled over to me as I was sitting in the entrance of the bouncy house. I thought she might want to bounce, so I lifted her up, but instead she just sat down right next to me and rested her little arms on me and stayed there for about 5 minutes. I asked her if she wanted to slide- she just looked up at me with those big brown eyes. So she sat, and I rubbed her little back and eventually her sister came and got her.
As we moved into Backyard Bible Club time and it became apparent we weren't going to have that many kids, we decided to just remain as one group as opposed to all of us girls splitting up. And what a blessing that was. I got to see all of the incredible girls in my group use their own talents. Leah (our leader) explained the basic Gospel to all of the kids and I was captivated. Just watching someone that knew exactly how to reach these children was incredible. So even though we had planned and planned and planned, God has His OWN plan, and it ended up better than we thought.
Here I need to say that the past few weeks I've been feeling that old worthlessness creeping in... the kind that makes me jealous of those with boyfriends and makes me want to settle for anyone. The kind I haven't felt in months- ever since I made the choice to turn my love life over to the Lord. Anyways, we were on the ride home and we somehow got on the topics of boyfriends and everyone was sharing stories and I just wanted to die. So I put my headphones in and tried to focus on reminding myself that God DOES have a plan for me... a set apart plan. One that only I and a few others can achieve. Is it more beautiful than dating more than one guy? Not necessarily, but it's set apart for ME. It's made for ME. I tried so hard to remind myself of that, but I couldn't. Leah started talking and I took off my headphones. Thank the Lord. She then told us about who SHE was dating... (and I won't say specifically who, but he is one of the greatest men I know and brings so much life to our church). She said he had approached her one evening when a few Lakeview members were downtown spreading the Word at bars. He told her his feelings and asked her to pray about it. Long story short, they ended up agreeing that they felt he was meant to pursue her. Pursue. Leah kept using that word and I absolutely love it. He's pursuing her heart. He asked for her parents' blessing and now they're dating. Though it's not normal dating. It's the Eric and Leslie Ludy type of dating. It's the Jim and Elisabeth Elliot type of dating. One of my friends called it "courting". It's taking things slow. Letting the Lord write this beautiful story. After Leah had finished telling the story I was in a state of happy just because of how perfect they are together (seriously, I couldn't have picked a better match) and I heard one of the girls ask Leah if she had ever dated. She said, not really, no.
The whole weekend Leah blew me away. A sweeter heart I have yet to meet and such love for the Lord! She's a leader without being bossy, and can reach kids in a way I've never seen. She has a beautiful voice and a beautiful face. She's wonderful. And I kept thinking to myself ALL weekend, "Why hasn't some man snatched her up? Why isn't she engaged or married?
Now I know.
God was saving her for the guy she's with. She deserved more than just "some man". And she got it. I can have the same. If only I will wait on His will. If only I will be happy in Him alone. If I can, He will provide me with the most beautiful love story I could imagine- whether it's with an earthly prince or with Him.
I got home and just cried tears of joy. He wanted me to hear Leah's story. He wanted to encourage me right when I was losing hope. He wanted to remind me that He has a better plan for me than ANYTHING I could ever think up.
The title of this blog is "More of You, less of me", and yet I don't always live like that. That's the only way I can be happy though. The more I allow Him to penetrate the darkness of my heart and light up my life, the more fulfilled I will be. If we want to be happy, we need just pour ourselves into Him... lose our will in His will. Even when you think you've given everything you have to Him, there's always something more. He deserves everything we could ever give. We deserve nothing. Yet He still provides for us, even when we turn from Him... how could I ever even think about holding something away from Him? Give it all and you will receive everything you could ever need.
- Shelby :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Something awesome
This was shared with me by a friend. While I'm not Catholic, the message is the same I've been working on/studying these past few months and it's an incredible one at that!
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united
With Me alone,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That’s all.
Don’t be anxious.
Don’t worry.
Don’t look at the things you think you want;
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready,
I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any
You could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until
The one I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that
Exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
Relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love utterly.
I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied.
~ St. Anthony of Padua
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united
With Me alone,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That’s all.
Don’t be anxious.
Don’t worry.
Don’t look at the things you think you want;
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready,
I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any
You could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until
The one I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that
Exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
Relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love utterly.
I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied.
~ St. Anthony of Padua
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Super crazy encouraged
It's incredible how absolutely wonderful life begins to be when you start leaning on Him and pouring yourself out for Him.
This week I've made time all day to pray with all my heart and really delve into the Word... and I have felt as light as a feather because of it. Everything becomes so much easier when your focus turns to Him. On Monday, one of the Lakeviewers was talking about how when you put the Lord before your schoolwork, it might seem risky, but it'll end up with you being well taken care of- and it's TRUE. I did exactly that this week and not only was I happier, but my schoolwork ended up getting done too! And honestly, I felt like I worked harder and got better results on my assignments! Another guy quoted something he had read about putting the important before the urgent. Such a dire point. I constantly struggle with that- and I usually end up cutting out reading my Bible or spending time with God when it comes down to it. I really just need to cut back my facebook and twitter usage, and then I will have plenty of time for both school and time with the Lord!
On another point, tonight I met with two of my friends for a discipleship group- a new one and one old one who has been through a lot with me. We made dinner and then just talked about what was going on in our lives... about what we were struggling with, about what we found helped us through our tough situations. It was amazing. I've never had that kind of fellowship and ability to share and relate so greatly with anyone before! I just think back to a few months ago when I was so discouraged about not having anybody to talk to about what God was doing in my life and pray with and just grow with. And now I do. Not only do I have a new friend that I have a Christ based friendship with, but I now have a deeper level of appreciation and understanding for/from one of my oldest best friends. I just can't help but take a step back and admire how He is working in my life. It's stunning.
But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.- 1 John 1:7
(I just looked up a verse that went with this post and we're actually going through 1 John in our d group. I love how relevant everything is becoming. :) )
This week I've made time all day to pray with all my heart and really delve into the Word... and I have felt as light as a feather because of it. Everything becomes so much easier when your focus turns to Him. On Monday, one of the Lakeviewers was talking about how when you put the Lord before your schoolwork, it might seem risky, but it'll end up with you being well taken care of- and it's TRUE. I did exactly that this week and not only was I happier, but my schoolwork ended up getting done too! And honestly, I felt like I worked harder and got better results on my assignments! Another guy quoted something he had read about putting the important before the urgent. Such a dire point. I constantly struggle with that- and I usually end up cutting out reading my Bible or spending time with God when it comes down to it. I really just need to cut back my facebook and twitter usage, and then I will have plenty of time for both school and time with the Lord!
On another point, tonight I met with two of my friends for a discipleship group- a new one and one old one who has been through a lot with me. We made dinner and then just talked about what was going on in our lives... about what we were struggling with, about what we found helped us through our tough situations. It was amazing. I've never had that kind of fellowship and ability to share and relate so greatly with anyone before! I just think back to a few months ago when I was so discouraged about not having anybody to talk to about what God was doing in my life and pray with and just grow with. And now I do. Not only do I have a new friend that I have a Christ based friendship with, but I now have a deeper level of appreciation and understanding for/from one of my oldest best friends. I just can't help but take a step back and admire how He is working in my life. It's stunning.
But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.- 1 John 1:7
(I just looked up a verse that went with this post and we're actually going through 1 John in our d group. I love how relevant everything is becoming. :) )
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Intrigued
So, the past few weeks/month, I have undertaken a study of sorts... a study of Christ-like manhood. A study of what God intended men to be like... and seriously, I've never been more intrigued. I've fallen in love, honestly... not with a particular man, but with the characteristics of a "warrior-poet", as Leslie Ludy calls them. From personal experience, it is SO easy to be discouraged in the current state of men when you're attending college. Most guys are using this new found freedom to party, drink, smoke, have sex with dozens of girls...whatever they want. Personally, that is NOT AT ALL the kind of guy I want to marry. Lately though, my eyes have been opened to see more and more warrior poets around me. It's truly an incredible sight.
Perhaps the biggest characteristic of a warrior-poet is as follows:
"The mark of a warrior-poet does not lie in his perfection, but in the direction of his life. Is he aiming for the world or aiming for Christ? Is he eagerly pursuing more of Christ or is he preoccupied with himself? If his life's direction is pointed toward 'less of me and more of Him,' then he has the warrior-poet blood within his veins, even if God has not yet rasped and refined all the rough edges of his masculinity. If he has made Christ the center of his existence, then Christ will be faithful to smooth away the wrinkles and refine him more and more into His divine likeness."-Leslie Ludy
Men were also created to be leaders. They are to initiate. They are to be the last word on important decisions in marriage. I personally LOVE that. I'm not a particularly brazen, pushy person (or I like to think that) and I love that my husband (if I am meant to be married), will one day be the LEADER of our family and household. Women were made to support them and take care. That's honestly one of the things I'm looking forward to most in marriage... supporting my husband and encouraging him to lead and be a warrior for Christ.
For some reason, I'm struggling to find the words to write about this topic- though it excites me greatly- and I keep deleting things and I'm sure what I've already written sounds like gibberish. So I guess I'll just leave off there for now, and if I can form flowing, coherent thoughts later, I will continue sharing about my study. :)
-Shelby :)
Perhaps the biggest characteristic of a warrior-poet is as follows:
"The mark of a warrior-poet does not lie in his perfection, but in the direction of his life. Is he aiming for the world or aiming for Christ? Is he eagerly pursuing more of Christ or is he preoccupied with himself? If his life's direction is pointed toward 'less of me and more of Him,' then he has the warrior-poet blood within his veins, even if God has not yet rasped and refined all the rough edges of his masculinity. If he has made Christ the center of his existence, then Christ will be faithful to smooth away the wrinkles and refine him more and more into His divine likeness."-Leslie Ludy
Men were also created to be leaders. They are to initiate. They are to be the last word on important decisions in marriage. I personally LOVE that. I'm not a particularly brazen, pushy person (or I like to think that) and I love that my husband (if I am meant to be married), will one day be the LEADER of our family and household. Women were made to support them and take care. That's honestly one of the things I'm looking forward to most in marriage... supporting my husband and encouraging him to lead and be a warrior for Christ.
For some reason, I'm struggling to find the words to write about this topic- though it excites me greatly- and I keep deleting things and I'm sure what I've already written sounds like gibberish. So I guess I'll just leave off there for now, and if I can form flowing, coherent thoughts later, I will continue sharing about my study. :)
-Shelby :)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Called
A strange thing has been taking place in my life... A radicalization. Christ is moving strongly and firmly through me... it's quite an unbelievable feeling.
Nothing feels the same anymore... literally nothing. The things that used to draw me to them don't anymore... It's like I can finally see clearly. I know many of my friends are having trouble understanding this... and I don't quite know how to explain it... To them, I've always been "guy obsessed, goofy, over-reactive Shelby". Now I'm changed.
As I've been pondering what to do with my life and where I feel God is leading me... I always keep coming back to mission work. I've felt called to mission work for almost a year now. I've never known why, or where, but I've felt drawn.
Here I need to add detail about a specific area of my life that I looked back on today and realized had changed... children.
I used to not like children that much... I never babysat, never had cousins or siblings that were a lot younger than me... never had to deal with small children, so I was uncomfortable. I always thought, "I know when I have my own kids I'll love them, but other people's kids... not so much."
Lately though, I haven't been able to keep my heart from melting when I see them. So much potential rides in each one of those little people... they're so innocent.
In Sacred Singleness, there is a testimony from a missionary named Karris who lives and works in an orphanage/school in Haiti. I went to the website listed danitaschildren.org and read some of the childrens' stories and the mission there and fell in love. I truly believe that I am called to minister and help children in situations like that.
He has called me RADICALLY. I honestly can't even imagine just marrying someone straight out of college and settling down in suburbia now... there are MILLIONS of people all around the world that haven't had the chance to hear His word... there are children that need to be rescued and cared for. How can I just ignore that?
I am willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him and this calling. Every comfort I've ever known... every person that I depend on.
It's been pressed upon my heart. I can't wait to see where He takes me. Please pray that He'll provide me with guidance as I venture further into this. :)
-Shelby :)
Nothing feels the same anymore... literally nothing. The things that used to draw me to them don't anymore... It's like I can finally see clearly. I know many of my friends are having trouble understanding this... and I don't quite know how to explain it... To them, I've always been "guy obsessed, goofy, over-reactive Shelby". Now I'm changed.
As I've been pondering what to do with my life and where I feel God is leading me... I always keep coming back to mission work. I've felt called to mission work for almost a year now. I've never known why, or where, but I've felt drawn.
Here I need to add detail about a specific area of my life that I looked back on today and realized had changed... children.
I used to not like children that much... I never babysat, never had cousins or siblings that were a lot younger than me... never had to deal with small children, so I was uncomfortable. I always thought, "I know when I have my own kids I'll love them, but other people's kids... not so much."
Lately though, I haven't been able to keep my heart from melting when I see them. So much potential rides in each one of those little people... they're so innocent.
In Sacred Singleness, there is a testimony from a missionary named Karris who lives and works in an orphanage/school in Haiti. I went to the website listed danitaschildren.org and read some of the childrens' stories and the mission there and fell in love. I truly believe that I am called to minister and help children in situations like that.
He has called me RADICALLY. I honestly can't even imagine just marrying someone straight out of college and settling down in suburbia now... there are MILLIONS of people all around the world that haven't had the chance to hear His word... there are children that need to be rescued and cared for. How can I just ignore that?
I am willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him and this calling. Every comfort I've ever known... every person that I depend on.
It's been pressed upon my heart. I can't wait to see where He takes me. Please pray that He'll provide me with guidance as I venture further into this. :)
-Shelby :)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Carrying the cross in our singleness
So, I've been reading this incredible book called Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy. It's pointed out so many wonderful things about this time of singleness I'm in, as well as provided much needed encouragement.
There are many Christian books out there that blow off the whole "Singleness is a gift" thing and tell young girls to help out their situation because God called us to be married.
First off, I can just see that leading to settling for a less than Christ-like prince. You're, say... 27, and this guy comes along and he's a "Christian" and he goes to church, so he must be husband material right? Sure, it's obvious he's not on fire for the Lord, but he's better than most men! You're 27, times running out!
I hope and pray I will never put myself in that situation. I've waited this long, and plan to wait as long as it takes for a one of a kind, loves the Lord with every ounce of his being (even more than me!), incredible man. Because I know if I wait for His time... it'll be worth it. I don't want to settle for a "little bit better than the average Joe moral wise" guy... I want a man who is going to encourage me in my walk with Christ... who will pray with me and do mission work with me and study the Word with me... (I know this is not what everyone wants who may read this... I'm not trying to place lesser value on what other people may seek- merely stating what I want to wait for :) )
Back to the people who say otherwise though... Leslie mentioned one author who wrote that she couldn't believe God wanted His children to embrace a gift that hurt so much, and that she realized she was being tricked into denying her very self (which was obviously the desire to be married).
Leslie quoted Matthew 16:24 for this, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."
And then she pointed our perhaps one of the truest, most beautiful things ever... I'll quote the passage:
"What if Jesus had simply listened to His 'heart' that night in the Garden of Gethsemane? What if He had taken that particular book's advice and yielded to what His emotions and human desires were telling Him? What if He had said, 'Surely God does not want me to embrace something that makes me so miserable? Surely I shouldn't see this as an opportunity from My Father! Death is a curse. It's shameful; it's painful. Why would I surrender to something that doesn't make Me feel happy?'"
HOW TRUE?
We are called to live our lives as Christ did... fearlessly and devotedly... 100%. He was willing to HANG ON THE CROSS because God told Him to.... He trusted that God would get Him through it... that it would be worth it! Why shouldn't us single people take that same attitude? Surely, being single is nowhere near as terrible as being crucified.
I just know that so many more people could be embracing this time in their lives! If I... the girl who used to desire NOTHING more than to be married with a family... who already has her dress and ring picked out... who cries when watching proposals and weddings just because the thought of having found that one person makes my heart explode... if I can be content in this time... anyone can.
He is all I need. He is more than enough. I can live now without any distractions... without having to worry about affecting another person with my decisions... I just need to focus on what He is doing in my life... it's absolutely liberating. :)
-Shelby :)
There are many Christian books out there that blow off the whole "Singleness is a gift" thing and tell young girls to help out their situation because God called us to be married.
First off, I can just see that leading to settling for a less than Christ-like prince. You're, say... 27, and this guy comes along and he's a "Christian" and he goes to church, so he must be husband material right? Sure, it's obvious he's not on fire for the Lord, but he's better than most men! You're 27, times running out!
I hope and pray I will never put myself in that situation. I've waited this long, and plan to wait as long as it takes for a one of a kind, loves the Lord with every ounce of his being (even more than me!), incredible man. Because I know if I wait for His time... it'll be worth it. I don't want to settle for a "little bit better than the average Joe moral wise" guy... I want a man who is going to encourage me in my walk with Christ... who will pray with me and do mission work with me and study the Word with me... (I know this is not what everyone wants who may read this... I'm not trying to place lesser value on what other people may seek- merely stating what I want to wait for :) )
Back to the people who say otherwise though... Leslie mentioned one author who wrote that she couldn't believe God wanted His children to embrace a gift that hurt so much, and that she realized she was being tricked into denying her very self (which was obviously the desire to be married).
Leslie quoted Matthew 16:24 for this, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."
And then she pointed our perhaps one of the truest, most beautiful things ever... I'll quote the passage:
"What if Jesus had simply listened to His 'heart' that night in the Garden of Gethsemane? What if He had taken that particular book's advice and yielded to what His emotions and human desires were telling Him? What if He had said, 'Surely God does not want me to embrace something that makes me so miserable? Surely I shouldn't see this as an opportunity from My Father! Death is a curse. It's shameful; it's painful. Why would I surrender to something that doesn't make Me feel happy?'"
HOW TRUE?
We are called to live our lives as Christ did... fearlessly and devotedly... 100%. He was willing to HANG ON THE CROSS because God told Him to.... He trusted that God would get Him through it... that it would be worth it! Why shouldn't us single people take that same attitude? Surely, being single is nowhere near as terrible as being crucified.
I just know that so many more people could be embracing this time in their lives! If I... the girl who used to desire NOTHING more than to be married with a family... who already has her dress and ring picked out... who cries when watching proposals and weddings just because the thought of having found that one person makes my heart explode... if I can be content in this time... anyone can.
He is all I need. He is more than enough. I can live now without any distractions... without having to worry about affecting another person with my decisions... I just need to focus on what He is doing in my life... it's absolutely liberating. :)
-Shelby :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
So, after my little emotional breakdown I just documented, I turned to the book with all answers... and of course found some.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
-1 Peter 5:6-11
How relevant and incredible are those words? Very.
-Shelby :)
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
-1 Peter 5:6-11
How relevant and incredible are those words? Very.
-Shelby :)
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