Surrender

So first off, before I get into the meat of this post, I thought I should say a few things.
First, this is a blog to continue my story that I had been posting on Tumblr. Unfortunately, some cruel people got a hold of my tumblr address and used some personal information from there to embarrass me on the internet. So, this is me starting fresh... definitely no names included unless it's absolutely necessary.
Some background from my journey this year and before that... I accepted Christ my sophomore year of high school and everything in life took a new perspective... but I was still coveting the one thing that was hurting my heart the most and causing me the most distress in my life, as well as keeping me from a full and completely meaningful relationship with my God- my love life.
I've never had a real relationship... never been on a real date... never been kissed. And up until THIS year, I thought it was because I was worthless, ugly, and that something was seriously wrong with me. But then I read When God Writes Your Love Story  and realized that I had been "unlucky" in the boy department because God created me to be a one man woman. I was given the INCREDIBLY rare privilege that I can give my future spouse (if I even get married) EVERYTHING. So I made the life changing decision to not date until I knew I was in the presence of my husband. Basically, this decision has made everything a million times better... my life is completely changed and I have a more intimate, amazing relationship with the Lord than ever before because instead of cursing him, I can appreciate and revel in this beautiful gift he's given me.

I think that's a pretty good summary of everything... now for my post.
Surrender.
Most of us think we've done it... that we've given our lives to Christ. But how many doors are you keeping locked to Him? How many things are you coveting that He wants you to give to Him? We must be willing to give EVERYTHING to Him. We must throw open every door and invite Him in. What's He asking you to give up? I'll tell you exactly what the three hardest things were that He asked me to give up... First off... All Time Low. Now. Yes, they're just a band. But if you're a die hard ATL fan, it's SO much more than the music... you must know EVERYTHING about every band member AND all of the crew members. You must watch all of their buzznet videos. You must know every word to every one of their songs. And I did. I felt like they were my best friends. But the problem was... they're living in a way that was tearing me from His arms. They curse badly and frequently and drink all the time and have sex whenever, make crude jokes... everything. I had given so much to them. And God kept tugging at my heart asking me to give them up but I couldn't. Last week I did. I deleted everything about them from my computer and I stopped following them on twitter. And now I'm trying to sell my tickets to see them. Second up... my tumblr! Haha, kind of ironic, but it was taking up WAY more time than twitter and facebook combined PLUS there was SO much bad language and bad things coming at me daily. I deleted it because of the situation I mentioned before, but I realized afterwards how easy it was to do it... I was willing to give it up. And then the last one... the one I would avoid every time He nudged me... the one that I had based my entire EXISTENCE off of and my meaning and purpose for life off of.... the right to marriage.
Up until surrendering that, I felt I had the RIGHT to be married. That God HAD to do that for me since I was living a clean life and being a good girl... I thought I deserved it and that he should WANT to give it to me... but that's not what being a follower of Christ is about.
He loves delighting in us and fulfilling our heart's desires... and marriage was definitely my heart's very deepest desire.
But if He calls me to be single for the entirety of my earthly life, then so be it. My heavenly Bridegroom is far greater and can give me so much more than an earthly prince anyways. I'm in a marriage with Him. He is the only man I have my sights focused on. If  He decides to bring someone into my life for earthly encouragement and companionship, then I will LOVE that... but if He doesn't, I will love that just as much. The other day at church, Brother Al said something incredibly true, "You can always have what you desire, if you desire what God has planned for you." How awesome is that? If we only hope for Him to lead us where He needs to, we will NEVER be disappointed.
There is SO much weight lifted off of my shoulders now that I don't have to worry about finding a husband. I can just focus on Him with my all and live the life He has planned for me.
"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ"
- Philippians 3:8

Shelby :)