Today started out great. All day long I was just basking in His love and just drinking it all in. And I was sharing my happiness on facebook.
Then the incident happened and honestly, I was just a mess of emotion, not sad, really... just moved. And I felt drawn to write a note on facebook that I had actually been planning on writing for a few days now (I was just waiting for V Day).
And then the worry started up again... like a choking hand, it took me over, seeped into every pore. I feel violated. I feel like everything I write here and on facebook and twitter is going to be made fun of and ridiculed. Even though I've tried to block those negative people, I feel like there's still an inside source feeding them information. It's absolutely sickening. I want to die... seriously, I just want to be with my God up in heaven and escape this fear. These people are ruining my life... if you're reading this and you're one of them, please just... stop. I've done nothing to you and all I'm doing now is sharing my love of my Lord.
In a way, I don't care that they're making fun of me... I mean, they're just poking fun at my faith.
My world has just gone from absolutely perfect to terrifying in a period of a week.
I just wish I could never see these people again... I want to go away to another college and just leave them. But I still feel like they'll be there ridiculing me.
I'm trying so hard to trust Him right now... I really am. I'm just so torn down. I have one of the most delicate hearts I've ever come across and it can't take this. I really just want to delete everyone on facebook except for those I know share my love of the Lord. Because I KNOW for a fact that they will not do something like this. But that's just me giving into Satan and his wishes. I know for a fact I have been called to share His word. Whether it's as a girls minister or a missionary, or whatever... and for now, as I'm in college, I have to stick to sharing it through the internet. It's just so hard.
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I know it is hard to deal with these kinds of people, just try to remember that these are the people that God is trying to reach and even though they are making fun of you and even making you think these things, you are planting the seed in their hearts. It might take 20 years to manifest but your out there spreading His word.
ReplyDeleteRemember that this is exactly what Christ was talking about when he sent out his disciples.
"They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me."
John 15:21
Just keep on keeping on. And if you ever need anyone to talk with I am here for you.